No Makeup!

To me someone telling me that I was not allowed to wear makeup is one of the scariest things in the world! but after reading Zoella's post called just say yes (http://www.zoella.co.uk/2012/09/just-say-yes.html) i have been trying to combat some of my fears. Like Zoella I also suffer quite badly with panic attacks and have done since I was 13, they have been getting better recently but I know that if i do not do something about the way that i live my life then they will just get worse again and i will become afraid to leave the house as i was for the last year really. Unlike Zoella i do know what sets my panic attacks off and one of these is going out without makeup on, don't ask me why because i don't even wear that much but when i don't wear it i feel as though i can't breath, i want to break down into tears, i start to feel dizzy and i get a really bad ringing in my ears. So i don't really have a reason that i would want to go out without makeup on....... or at least i didn't till i started to do my beauty therapy course.

For my beauty therapy course we were going to have to take our makeup off to do the facial skincare unit and i had one week to prepare myself for this. I know how bad my anxiety about taking my makeup off in a public place is as when i was getting my tonsils taken out i had a panic attack and it was not the thought of having surgery that was scaring me it was the fact that i was sitting in a room full of people without any makeup on. I know that that makes me sound so pathetic but i really cant help it, i think being bullied has definitely had a lot to do with the way that i see myself but I just cant be in public without makeup at all without having a panic attack. So with a week to prepare myself i realised how stupid a fear it was and that i just had to man up and realise that the panic attack would not kill me and that i am only 16 years old i should be able to go out without makeup on!

So the day arrived that i had to go to college with no makeup on, so many people were going to see me feeling the most vulnerable that i can feel, but i did it i walked out the front door without makeup on and i was panicking, i felt as though i could not breath but i also knew that i had to just get over the fear and then i would be fine, and i was. People weren't pointing and staring at my ugly mug, it was just a normal day, and even though i had 3 more panic attacks that day it felt soooo good to do something that i was terrified of doing and and for it to actually be ok.

My face when i got back from college and realised that i could start combating my fears and taking control of my panic attacks.





















so since this i have decided that i am going to write a list of things that lead to my panic attacks and do something to try and get over my panic attacks as i will not let them rule my life! if anyone reading this is a fellow panic attack sufferer i hope that you will also try to get over them wether it  be to get onto a crowded train or to go out without makeup on, and if you do get a panic don't worry get off the train at the next stop, or go into a toilet until you feel ready to go out again, but carry on and one day it will start to feel better, i promise!

even today i went out with no makeup on at all!